My nipple is on Facebook.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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