I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
