We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize