i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize