My hand turned me down
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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