He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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