apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
