2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
