Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
