this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
