I accidentally had phone sex last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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