he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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