last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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