Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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