we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
