I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize