we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He felt like a one man threesome
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
