I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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