dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
