hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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