guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
