Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
