apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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