I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
