i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wrigley field is MILF paradise
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize