If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
