Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
