I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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