ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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