he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
