he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
