I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
