3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
