don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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