How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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