he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
