when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
