I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
