fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
