thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So vagazzling was a success
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
