This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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