I need help removing her.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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