3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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