Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The beer is more important than you right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
