Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
