David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
