i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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