hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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