Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
