are you so shy because you have an std?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
