There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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