I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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