the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
