I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
