Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
