It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
