maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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