my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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