Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
