I want to walk on stilts...naked
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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