Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
