went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
try to milk me bitch
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