His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
third nipple confirmed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
