i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
