She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
