i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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