I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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