My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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