I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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