i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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