i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
