so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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