After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the day after is always just damage control
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
