remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize