Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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