bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
