Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
