i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
