fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
