Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
