meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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