I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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