My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
