My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
