he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
