Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
