I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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