is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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