I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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