im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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