my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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