I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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