I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
