I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize