my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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