It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
