Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
