i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
