woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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