Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
