My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
