I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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