my being single is dangerous.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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