dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
