wrigley field is MILF paradise
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
