Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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