I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
