The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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