Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
