Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
