I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
