i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
