i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so let's talk penis.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize