When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
