this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
