I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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