Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
bring money and cleavage
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry about my life...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
