Welp...herpes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
