tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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